Divorce in Spain: why summer can revive old tensions

In Spain, the end of the holiday period can bring long-standing tensions back to the surface, although summer itself is not necessarily the reason for a separation.

In the extract provided, which does not identify either the publication or its date, Spanish family-law solicitor Adriana Auset outlines the issues most commonly raised when people consider divorce. Children, housing and household finances all weigh heavily on the choices made.

September: a month when doubts resurface

The notion of September as a ‘divorce month’ regularly reappears after the summer. Adriana Auset is careful to qualify that idea. Law firms do receive more enquiries following the summer break, and again after the Christmas holidays in January. However, she does not describe this as a dramatic or measurable surge in divorce proceedings.

In the solicitor’s view, holidays do not automatically cause a relationship to end. Instead, they may expose a crisis that was already under way. Partners spend more time together, step outside their normal routines and must confront matters they may have avoided throughout the year.

“Generally, the couple who makes their decision during the holidays has already been carrying problems and crises for a long time,” explains Adriana Auset.

Arranging trips, activities and meals, managing spending, and spending time with either partner’s family can all add to the strain. Such circumstances do not necessarily create the dispute, but they can speed up a decision that has been developing for months.

Children and housing at the heart of divorce concerns

When someone starts thinking about divorce, their first concerns often relate to their future life and the consequences of separation for their children. Adriana Auset also identifies financial matters as among the most pressing worries.

Child arrangements are, in her experience, the leading cause of disagreement. Parents must agree how time will be divided, along with holiday arrangements, school routines and everyday costs. The return to school in September therefore prompts questions about textbooks, uniforms and extracurricular activities.

The family home is an equally sensitive issue. Running two homes means two sets of rent or mortgage-related costs, two utility bills and additional day-to-day expenses, while the household’s income does not necessarily increase.

“More people would divorce if it were not for the cost of housing,” Adriana Auset believes, highlighting how difficult it is to support two households on the same resources.

According to her, parents often try to protect their children’s standard of living. Reaching an arrangement that meets everybody’s needs can consequently lead to lengthy, fraught negotiations, particularly over contributions towards children’s costs and who will use the family home.

Divorce: mistakes to avoid when separating

The solicitor advises against announcing a separation in the heat of an argument. A choice made during a dispute can make communication harder and unsettle children who are already facing a major change to everyday life.

• Presenting divorce as a threat when no final decision has been made;
• Using children or the home as leverage;
• Failing to work out a post-separation budget;
• Telling children about the separation without preparing the conversation;
• Negotiating the terms of divorce without suitable legal advice.

Adriana Auset considers it important to tell the difference between a temporary crisis and a firm wish to end the marriage. She also advises finding out about the legal and financial implications before communicating the decision to the other spouse.

Shared custody has changed discussions in Spain

The solicitor has seen divorce cases evolve over the years. She says that, in the past, care of children was generally awarded to the mother. The father then often had to find another home while remaining responsible, depending on the circumstances, for costs linked to the property, child maintenance or his former spouse.

Today, Adriana Auset describes shared custody as the arrangement granted in most of the separations she discusses. That change has altered the debate around housing, children’s expenditure and any maintenance payments between former spouses.

Shared custody does not remove conflict. On the contrary, it requires practical co-ordination over timetables, journeys, holidays, medical appointments, contact with the school and exceptional decisions. Where communication has already broken down, every detail can become an obstacle.

What applies in France

In France, divorce is governed by French law, which should not be confused with the rules referred to by the solicitor in Spain. Separated parents generally retain joint exercise of parental authority unless a different decision is made. They must jointly make major decisions concerning their child.

A child’s residence may alternate between both homes, or be based mainly with one parent, with the other receiving contact and accommodation rights. The family court judge can decide the matter where the parents disagree. The child’s best interests remain the judge’s primary consideration.

In most cases, a divorce by mutual consent can be drawn up by two solicitors and then lodged with a notary. Court proceedings are still required, in particular, where a minor child asks to be heard or where a protected adult is involved. If there is a dispute over the divorce or its effects, the family court judge becomes involved.

Preparing practical issues before any negotiation

A budget is often a useful place to begin. This means identifying available income, housing costs, any loans, child-related spending and the cost of maintaining two separate lives. This exercise does not determine whether the separation will happen, but it makes the constraints that follow clearer.

Discussions are also more effective when organised around specific matters: housing, the children’s timetable, holidays, school, exceptional expenses and how parents will communicate with one another. In the interview, Adriana Auset stresses the value of a constructive approach and prompt replies from both parties.

For Adriana Auset, being willing to seek balanced solutions for both adults and the children can make the difference between an agreement and contentious proceedings.

Contentious proceedings can extend tensions well beyond the separation itself. Conversely, reaching an agreement does not mean that difficulties disappear: it requires parents to observe the arrangements they set over time, especially as their employment situation, housing or their children’s needs change.