Junior Lima: 7 ways to reduce dependence on external validation

Singer Junior Lima revealed on GNT’s “Papo de Segunda” that he experienced panic attacks between the ages of 20 and 30, during a phase defined by pressure, public exposure and the need to meet the expectations placed on him. He said he came to feel empty because he was continually trying to live up to what others expected of him.

Having been in the spotlight since childhood alongside his sister, Sandy, Junior grew up before an audience that watched the various stages of his life. Looking back on that time, the artist discussed the pressure to maintain a certain image and how his pursuit of acceptance ultimately affected his relationship with himself.

His account draws attention to a behaviour increasingly discussed in mental health: when the need for approval stops being a natural desire for recognition and begins to shape decisions, relationships and a person’s perception of their own worth. Below are ways to reduce reliance on external validation.

1. Notice when you are trying to please others

The first step is to recognise the situations in which other people’s opinions begin to carry more weight than what you want or consider important. Often, people-pleasing becomes automatic and goes unnoticed.

“During moments of emotional vulnerability, a person may struggle to distinguish what they genuinely think and feel from outside expectations and judgements. They may start to internalise certain ideas about themselves because they believe they need to meet others’ expectations in order to be accepted,” explains Jhoanne Hansen, psychologist, scientific researcher and co-founder of Desvirtua.

This pattern can cause someone to become disconnected from their own identity. “For that reason, recognising when we are making a decision that is truly ours and when we are merely trying to avoid possible rejection is an important exercise in reconnecting with our own identity,” the expert adds.

2. Learn to distinguish criticism from rejection

Criticism or disagreement does not necessarily mean that someone is no longer accepted. Treating every negative assessment as a personal threat can heighten insecurity and reinforce the need for approval.

“Those who rely heavily on external validation may see criticism as confirmation that they are not good enough. It is important to understand that criticism may concern a behaviour, a choice or a specific situation, rather than define who we are. When we can separate another person’s opinion from our personal worth, we gain greater confidence to listen, assess what makes sense and dismiss what does not reflect our reality,” explains Jessica Martani, a psychiatrist in São Paulo.

3. Let go of the need for perfection

The relentless pursuit of perfection can make any mistake feel like failure. As a result, you may remain on alert in an effort to avoid situations that could lead to criticism or disapproval.

“Mental health begins to suffer when a person comes to believe that their worth depends solely on what they deliver or the approval they receive. Perfection is an expectation that cannot be maintained at all times, and trying to uphold that standard can create continual self-pressure,” the psychiatrist explains.

Accepting your own limitations is also part of having a healthier relationship with yourself. “It is important to recognise that making mistakes, changing our minds, resting and showing vulnerability are all part of the human experience. We do not need to be performing all the time to deserve affection, respect and belonging,” the doctor explains.

4. Set boundaries without guilt

Saying no, declining certain situations and acknowledging your own limits can be difficult for anyone accustomed to pleasing others. However, constantly giving up your own needs can result in emotional overload.

“Setting boundaries is also a way of protecting mental health. Often, a person takes on responsibilities or accepts situations that exceed their capacity because they are afraid of disappointing someone. The issue is that this behaviour can lead them further and further away from their own needs. Learning to say no respectfully does not mean you no longer care about others. It means recognising that we have limits too, and that a healthy relationship must take both sides into account,” explains Jhoanne Hansen.

5. Be mindful of comparison on social media

Digital platforms have expanded the opportunities for comparison and created new ways of seeking recognition. Likes, comments and shares can end up serving as measures of approval for some people.

“Social media can bring both benefits and harm to this process, depending on the relationship and habits each person develops with these platforms. They can be spaces for connection, exchange and strengthening bonds, but they can also fuel comparisons and a constant need for validation,” explains Jhoanne Hansen.

In this context, the psychologist highlights the risk of turning online reactions into a measure of personal worth. “The problem arises when someone starts measuring their own value by the response they receive online. It is important to remember that what we see on social media represents only a snapshot of someone’s life and should not be used as an absolute benchmark for assessing our own journey,” she warns.

6. Accept that you will not please everyone

Trying to be accepted by everyone can result in the loss of personal reference points. Rather than acting in line with their values, an individual may continually adapt their behaviour to avoid any possibility of rejection.

“It is impossible to build a life around the guarantee that everyone will like us or agree with our choices. People have different histories, values and expectations, so disagreements are inevitable. When the need for approval is especially intense, a person may begin to give up their own identity in an attempt to avoid any negative judgement. Developing tolerance for frustration and understanding that not being approved of by someone does not mean being inadequate are important steps towards building more stable self-esteem,” advises Jessica Martani.

7. Seek help when self-pressure begins to cause distress

The search for approval deserves attention when it stops being merely a behavioural trait and starts causing distress or disrupting everyday life. Panic attacks, persistent anxiety, changes in sleep and difficulty setting boundaries are signs that should not be ignored.

“Someone experiencing emotional distress may pressure themselves to ‘resolve’ their situation quickly and return to presenting an image of completeness to others. This effort to hide vulnerability can increase internal pressure even further,” warns Jhoanne Hansen.

Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. “When there is a reliable support network, it can help a person step away from public judgement and reconnect with what they truly feel. And when distress is intense or begins to compromise daily life, seeking professional support is essential so that the person does not have to go through this process alone,” she concludes.

By Sarah Carvalho